In two days I will run in my first 5K. I started training for it in 2005/2006. For different reasons (work, injury, out of town, etc) I never followed through and completed this goal.
Even though my reasons over the years for not running the races were, or just sounded, legitimate, in reality, I took the easy way out (except when I broke my arm). Why would I do that when I had spent time training? I'll get to that later.
At the beginning of 2010 I decided to make this a year of change & accomplishing things. First I had to come to terms with my past. I needed to figure out how I got to where I am in my life and what I needed to do in order to change the course to get where I actually wanted to go. This can be an ugly and humiliating process, but one I really needed to go through if I was serious about changing my life.
As I went back over the past, one glaring thing kept standing out to me: I never follow through with anything. I can make all kinds of excuses but I finally figured out the reason and it's very simple: I was afraid. Afraid of success and of failure.
If I don't do anything I can't fail, right? And, by not pushing myself no one can expect more from me, thus my fear of success. Twisted? Yes, it is. Unfortunately, it's been my way of life for far too long. And, truthfully, it hasn't been a successful way to live.
Basically, I have always taken the path of least resistance, never pushing myself. I always told, & convinced, myself that I was doing my best and when I didn't follow through with something I always had an excuse. I can now admit it and own it. Now, it's time to move on....
I'm not going to lie, but right after I turned in the entry form and paid the fee for this race, I thought of a million excuses to get out of it. Really! But this time is different because I am aware and will not allow myself to drop out.
So, here I am, just a couple of days away from completing the first of many goals. Am I excited? Yes. Am I nervous? Yes, very. Am I anxious? Definitely.
This week I am trying to keep myself balanced both physically and mentally so that I'm ready for Saturday. I know it's not a long & arduous race, but for me this is a big deal! Since I don't like the unknown I have tried to prepare and learn as much as I can. I'd like to think I've covered everything I need to know so there won't be any surprises, which includes going out to the course so I know what to expect. Yes, I hate to admit the fact that I am a control freak, but there it is.
I haven't yet gone out to see the course for one reason: Sometimes surprises are a good thing. I was planning on going out there but decided yesterday to let it go and just enjoy the run and have fun.
I have been a fan of the Biggest Loser since it premiered in October 2004. It's ironic that this weeks episode had the contestants going to Texas to run in a 5K. They also had to motivate people to come out to support, and run in, the race. For me it was very inspirational and couldn't have come at a better time! It put me in the right frame of mind for the rest of the week.
Okay....I have been training for this since October 2005. But, in reality, for this particular race, it's been 2 1/2 months. It's almost here and I'm very excited (also nervous & anxious). I know I can do this and can't wait to get to the starting line.....